The twilight zone

My God a lot has happened since I last came around. I can hardly believe it’s been only a week. Well, I don’t know how to put this, but I’ve lost 5 lb in one week. Not quite sure how. Starving myself probably helped. I’ve also been following a vaguely high-protein diet (studied Atkins but it was not for me – being vegetarian there was hardly anything on the list of permitted foods which I could eat) and lifting weights (they say a professional weight-lifter burns more calories sitting around doing nothing than a marathon runner does while running a marathon).

And what of the rest? Well, my face seems to have calmed down somewhat. The Temple of Doom is a mere Tombstone of Doom at the moment, although that could be but a temporary setback as it was accidentally razed by a passing fingernail during the the Grand Make-up Cover-up of Last Weekend, 2008. And where Discreet Damian et al. once lay there has sprung a field of baby mines just waiting to explode (but currently well-concealed by the aforementioned foundation).

So I can once again permit myself to be seen in public.

However, I have started seeing, or perhaps imagining, a forest of hairs where once there was none – or was there none? And strangely, the profusion seems to be somewhat one-sided in nature. Could my disease be limited to one side of my body? I have for several years now experienced (or imagined) a vague tenderness on the right side of my pelvis, where I imagine my right ovary to be. On the other hand, perhaps I am “merely” developing that bizarre manifestation of body-dysmorphic disorder where the sufferers believe themselves to be unnaturally disproportioned. (Google it if you want to know more, and also take a look at Shannon Doherty’s face – she is apparently their poster child.)

The bizarreness continues.